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Demented Ink.
Naruto Fanfiction // Deprivation // Chapter 3 
6th-Sep-2010 09:51 pm
cig mouth tie
Title: Deprivation
Series: Monoshizukanohi//Naruto AU
Author: Darkprism
Genre: Drama/Romance/Kink
Rating: Overall Mature, NC-17/Mature: bondage, D/s, & hot kitchen sex
Pairing: Kimimaro, Haku, and a Mystery Guest
Word Count: This section: ~4600
Warnings/Notes: D/s relationships, set in Monoshizukanohi AU, language
Spoilers: None whatsoever.

Summary:It’s been a year since Haku left Zabuza, saving his life but making him ache for what he’s lost. Kimimaro’s doing his best to help his friend, but at a great toll to himself. When Neji tells Kimimaro a VIP at Break wants a night of his time, hope bubbles up like a forgotten friend. But can the Mystery Lover really accept both Kimimaro and Haku and all the baggage that comes with them?



Kimimaro pulled his old Camry into his parking spot in front of his building in Hidden Village. Haku lived three buildings away, and as Kimi checked his watch, he wondered if he should go to Haku’s or head up the two flights of stairs to his place, first. With a long look at the folder in the seat beside him, Kimi opted for the second choice, thinking Haku had sounded all right when they hung up earlier. He could check on Haku after he put the folder in some dark corner to grow roots.

Grabbing a bag of groceries from the back seat and tucking the folder carefully beneath his arm, Kimimaro locked the car and headed up the metal-and-concrete stairs. He nodded at Mr. Hathoway, who lived four doors down from Kimi and was out to go walk Butters, Mr. Hathoways’s dachshund. Kimimaro ignored the stern look of disapproval as always, thumbing through his keys. Kimi was fairly certain the combination of piercings, pink hair, and penchant for leather and lace didn’t earn him any points with his neighbors, but he paid the rent and had just as much a right to be here as any of them.

Though, admittedly, sometimes Kimimaro had to remind himself of that a few times before he listened to his own advice.

The inside of apartment 3C was cool, soothing, and smelled like fresh-baked cookies. Kimimaro froze momentarily, breathing in deeply and hearing soft classical music coming from the living room stereo.

“It’s just me!” Haku called from the kitchen.

With a rueful smile, Kimimaro shut the door, secured the three locks, and made his way down a hallway painted light blue. He passed by the spare bedroom on his left, a bathroom on his right, and then he walked into the living/dining/kitchen area, all open and all carefully painted in various shades of ocean and sky. Kimi’s furniture was dark brown, sparse and comfortable, and Haku had taken it upon himself some months ago to rearrange things on the walls in a more eye-pleasing fashion. At the time, Kimi was just happy that Haku was out of bed and showing an interest in something other than a slow death by starvation.

A petite vision of a man smiled at Kimi and then walked out from behind the bar in the kitchen and into the living room to greet him. “I hope you don’t mind…?” Haku asked in his soothing tenor. He clasped small hands in front of him and a series of bracelets jangled down his thin wrist. Haku wore sinfully skinny jeans and a long, black tunic shirt that fell artfully off one shoulder. Kimimaro couldn’t help but smile at the bare feet sinking into his carpet, the toenails carefully painted black to match Haku’s nails. “Felt like doing something for you.”

“Cookies?” Kimimaro asked, tilting his head to scent the air.

Haku nodded. “Snickerdoodles.”

“My favorite,” Kimimaro said, walking to set down the bag and folder on the small table near the kitchen.

“Yes,” Haku agreed pleasantly, and Kimi turned to find Haku slightly closer, one foot flexing in a point and digging into the gray carpet. His midnight hair was long and loose, and his large, dark eyes earnest and inquisitive as they regarded Kimi.

“Come here?” Kimi asked, arms opening and then wrapping around the eager man who hugged him about the waist.

“It’s all right that I’m here?” Haku asked.

“You know it is.”

“I still like you to tell me…”

“Haku, I gave you a set of keys months ago so you could come and go as you please.” Kimi sighed and kissed the top of Haku’s head.

“I know,” Haku said cringing before he relaxed again as Kimi tightened his embrace. “But I had to call and interrupt your meeting, earlier, and…” Haku pulled away, eyes staring at nothing. “And part of me still expects punishment for such things.”

“I don’t punish,” Kimimaro pointed out, wondering how many times they would have this conversation.

“I know.”

“Especially not for needing something when you’re upset.”

Haku pulled away but managed a small smile and nod. “I know.”

Kimimaro opened his mouth to say something else, but Haku waved his hands, bracelets jangling. “Never mind. Groceries?” Haku picked up the bag and spied the folder. “What’s that?”

It took Kimimaro a moment to figure out how to phrase his answer and the hesitation shocked him. He was nervous about telling Haku the truth, and the depth of the nerves surprised him. “A proposal.”

Haku looked steadily at Kimi and waited to see if Kimimaro was going to add anything to that. The stare made Kimi’s knees feel watery.

“From Break,” Kimi said. “It’s a proposal to play at Break.”

Kimimaro thought he could actually see the pieces fly together and form informational shapes in Haku’s mind. His lips tightened. “A formal proposal to play privately at Break,” Haku murmured.

“Yes.” Kimimaro couldn’t keep the hesitation out of his voice, and his heart beat faster.

Haku’s head jerked to stare at the folder. “Not a traditional contract, either, I’d wager, unless the legalese is more extensive now than it used to be.” He tilted his head, eyes unblinking. “But a contract approved by Neji and Kakashi.”

Kimimaro wondered if he really needed to be here for this part of the conversation as he’d dearly love to be elsewhere.

“Have you looked at it?” Haku asked, turning with light grace to set down the grocery bag on the bar and begin to unpack food and put it away.

“Not yet.”

“You should,” Haku said as he opened a cabinet to stack canned goods.

“I know. I need to get an answer back to Master Neji sooner rather than later.”

“Yes. You don’t want to keep him waiting. He doesn’t do it very well.”

“No…patience is not his forte,” Kimi quietly agreed, more for something to say while he watched Haku move around the tiny kitchen pretending he wasn’t upset.

Haku merely made a quiet sound of agreement and folded the reusable bag. His hands lightly skimmed over the fabric, and Kimimaro saw his delicate fingers shake. Pain lanced through Kimi, and the urge to make it right – to fix the slight that hung in the air but got trapped in Haku and Kimi’s silent dance of considerate omission – nearly choked him.

“I don’t have to take the contract.” Kimi blinked at the words, and Haku looked at Kimimaro with wide eyes, throat working as he swallowed. They stared at one another, and Kimi wanted to laugh at them both as realization bathed his brain in knowledge his heart figured out some time ago.

An entire year of care, concern, healing, mending, and coping…of holding Haku when he cried, of loving him gently in the dark hours of night when nothing else would stave off the nightmares. Months of working together to find solutions to money problems, making loans, accepting promises, and letting Haku pay Kimi back in hundreds of small ways; even with his body, sometimes, when Kimimaro could see in Haku’s eyes that if he didn’t let the boy give something, he would break.

And through all the hours of painful negotiation…of Kimi sorrowfully telling Haku that he just couldn’t give Haku pain because it seemed so wrong to hurt a man Kimimaro tried so hard to help heal. Even if Kimimaro understood the need: understanding did not dictate ability. They spoke of limits and boundaries and psychology. They talked into the early morning about pasts and histories and horrible similarities. Together they confided more in the other than they did in anyone else alive or dead…

But they never spoke of love.

Because love was infinitely complex when it just existed between two people; when it sprang up like a voluntary flock of flowers after you thought everything dead from the long winter past. Love was servitude and pain and aching knees. Therein such an emotion was recognizable – easy to spot. But when love came wrapped in companionship, movie nights, and smiles over morning coffee, it was much harder to identify; to see it for what it truly was or to feel its depths and weight and consequence.

It was, indeed…a day for revelation. Kimimaro breathed a long sigh of relief and fear.

“I know you don’t have to take it,” Haku said slowly, eyes going down to the floor. “But you should. If it’s not too much…then you should.”

“Haku…”

“One of us should get what he wants.” Haku was calm and spoke without malice, but one hand came up to brush the front of his throat, a fingertip touch to the dip between his collar bones. “And I would prefer that someone to be you. After all you’ve done for me…it should be you.”

A hundred things bubbled up Kimi’s throat and died on his tongue before he could say them. None of them felt right and he hated that he wasn’t good at this. He could play the part of obedience for months or years on end and never question if what he said was right or not. But when faced with trying to tell someone he cared about that he loved him and didn’t want to do something that would hurt him in any way…there were just no words.

Silence, long and mean, formed Kimi’s hands into fists and made Haku fidget with the neckline of his shirt. With no way to say that he understood it would both kill and revive Haku if Kimimaro did something for himself, Kimimaro crossed to Haku in two long strides and gripped dark hair and Haku’s slim waist, mouth coming down to devour Haku’s in a heated kiss that rendered Haku rigid for half a second before he moaned and leaned heavily into Kimi. Hands slid around Kimimaro’s back to clutch and grip at his shirt and the skin beneath, and a slick tongue pressed and glided alongside of Kimi’s, each thrust accompanied by a soft, needy noise that rose from the back of Haku’s throat.

Mouth moving to Haku’s jaw, Kimi breathed and opened his eyes, saw dusky lashes over flushed cheeks. He couldn’t explain everything, knew that fast and dirty sex in the kitchen would not make everything perfect between them, would not fix Haku, or even feed their real needs…

But Kimimaro had to show Haku that everything would be all right. He needed Haku to trust and to…hope; to feel something good and real. Heat flared bright in Kimi’s gut and groin as he envisioned Haku happy in afterglow, and he thought he could manage something; a piece, a taste, a part of the whole truth.

“Haku,” Kimi rumbled, hands sliding down to grip Haku’s ass and make the boy gasp as his head fell forward onto Kimi’s chest. “Take off my belt.”

With a sound caught between a whine and a shocked syllable of need, Haku’s hands moved to comply. While his fingers worked, his head tilted and Kimi felt light kisses – the kind that drove him crazy – on his neck. Kimi’s eyes closed and he sighed as soft hair brushed his chin, and teeth gently pulled and worried a tiny piece of skin as Haku got the worn fabric belt undone and yanked it out of Kimi’s belt loops with a show of force.

“Turn around and put your hands behind your back,” Kimi ordered, voice mostly steady, and he watched as Haku spun, leaned forward against the bar, and crossed his arms at the small of his back, hands automatically grasping the opposite elbow. Kimi caught the belt out from between Haku’s fingers, and when he started wrapping it around Haku’s forearms, he shoved the bracelets up and out of the way as he worked. The smaller man nearly melted against the counter and the ends of his hair brushed the bar’s surface as his head lolled and he shivered.

“Oh yes…yes…Kimimaro, please…”

Deftly, Kimi wound the belt, and he heard Haku start to breathe faster when Kimi cinched the simple over-under clasp. They didn’t play these games often; incorporating pieces of Scene into what Kimi and Haku did for comfort reminded them both too much of what they lost. Kimi bit at the metal in his lip as he realized this might cross a line that went beyond a point of no return, but there was nothing but warmth in the wake of that worry.

He’s already part of me.

Kimimaro wrapped his arms around Haku and pulled him back flush against Kimi’s chest. He brushed aside Haku’s hair, which smelled like ripe fruit, and then reached to push his hands up and beneath Haku’s shirt. Warm fingers smoothed over planes of soft skin, and Kimi’s lips kissed down Haku’s throat. Kimi heard the question in the quiet noises Haku made, and one hand dropped to begin undoing Haku’s pants while the other quested up so Kimi’s thumb could caress a nipple.

“Haku…you…you are a piece of what I want.” The words faltered but were still true, and Haku stiffened. Immediately Kimi paused, button of Haku’s jeans undone and hand hovering. Fingers flexed and pulled at Kimi’s shirt, finding something to hold.

“Kimi…don’t stop…say it again?” Haku whispered.

“I want you,” Kimi said in a low rush, hands still immobile even though his fingers itched to touch, stroke, do. “And one night can’t touch what a year’s made between us.”

Haku went utterly silent and still, and Kimimaro counted heartbeats. He wouldn’t do anything more without Haku’s consent. And maybe he’d already done too much. Doubt flooded Kimi’s mind, and he held Haku tighter, one hand covering a flat stomach and the other pressing against a smooth chest. He damned himself for acting on instinct instead of ingrained training, and he waited: suspended over self-made limbo.

Hips moved under Kimi’s hand, and Haku let out a shaky breath. “Oh, God, Kimi…” Haku moaned. “Say it again and touch me…please…oh, please…”

Kimimaro shuddered: he knew exactly how hard it was for Haku to say what he wanted – what he needed – and Kimi made a noise muffled behind closed lips. Reaching, Kimi finished undoing the jeans and had to use both hands to shove them down far enough to give his hand room to clasp Haku’s length and bring it to open air. Haku shook and keened a quiet, helpless whine that made heat sizzle down Kimimaro’s spine. Gently, Kimi traced fingertips over Haku’s hardening length, teasing.

“I can’t leave you,” Kimimaro said, and he felt out of breath and dizzy. He rained kisses along Haku’s neck, gently biting when Haku tilted to give Kimimaro all the access he could to the long column of pale skin. Kimimaro pinched Haku’s nipple between thumb and forefinger and felt Haku’s minute jerk; heard him gasp like he strained to stay quiet.

“And I don’t want to…” Kimimaro confessed. He circled Haku’s cock with a loose grip and moved his hand along the shaft without providing real friction. He bit into Haku’s shoulder just to find some sort of ground for himself, and Haku moved in Kimi’s hold, hips seeking more and head pressing back against the man behind him.

“Oh God,” Haku half-sobbed. Kimi worried at the broken sound for a shuddering second and then Haku’s voice rose in command and plea: “Please…please…Kimi.” Haku shivered. “Take me, use me, just…let me feel you…” The last words trailed into a whisper, and reality got slippery for Kimi as Haku asked for what he wanted; responded like a trusting lover and not a broken toy of some monster’s desire. It was a rare glimpse into who Haku could be, revealed by words and touch, and Kimi ached in too many places to count.

A low grunt escaped Kimimaro’s throat as he stepped back and pulled Haku with him, hands steadying and guiding. He turned and walked them both over to the table, and Haku started bending forward even as Kimi’s hand caught his bound arms and helped him lean and rest on the fake wooden surface. Haku’s breathing quickened, and Kimi saw his fingernails dig into his own skin. Shaky hisses coming from between his lips, Kimi’s hands caressed down Haku’s sides and slipped under the tight jeans again. He pushed them down to mid-thigh, revealing creamy skin marred with old scars. Pain and need and heat made Kimimaro gasp, and he shoved the shirt higher on Haku’s back and bent to kiss an old lash mark, to swipe his tongue along Haku’s spine.

“Kimimaro,” Haku groaned, the last vowel drawn out as Haku spread his legs as much as he was able and slid on the table with a hiss of fabric on wood. Hearing his name made Kimi’s cock jump, his own jeans entirely too tight. His thoughts whirled madly – was this too much, too little, worry, want, fear – and he licked over another scar just to hear Haku’s breath catch. The man began to whisper quiet pleas, the specifics lost on Kimi’s ears, and Kimi rose up to lean forward and rest his weight along Haku’s back. He saw the heavily-lidded eyes, the pink mouth reddened from gnawing teeth, and Kimimaro turned his head to kiss Haku. One hand wound in dark hair and gripped, and Haku whined into Kimimaro’s mouth, tongue lashing and wet, lips parting wide to let Kimi inside.

Finally Kimimaro broke the kiss with a nibble to Haku’s lower lip, and he groaned in Haku’s ear while his hand quested down to tease between Haku’s cheeks.

“I…I…” Haku stammered, eyes squeezing shut, and Kimi felt him clutch and cling to Kimi’s shirt again. Kimimaro was about to ask what was wrong when his fingers brushed over a slicked entrance. With an explosive exhale, Kimimaro teased one digit around a fluttering ring and slipped it easily inside Haku’s body to Kimi’s delighted fascination and Haku’s labored breathing.

“Oh,” Kimimaro coughed. “Oh…”

Haku squirmed and tried to turn his head, to hide, but Kimi kissed him still, lips pressing firmly to Haku’s cheek. “Tell me what you did?” Kimimaro asked, breathless as he pressed two fingers into Haku.

“Ah –” Haku gasped, the single syllable high-pitched but quiet. “I…just…I – oh God – I’m sorry…”

“I’m not,” Kimimaro husked. “Please…tell me – ” Kimimaro bit his lip as Haku clenched and squirmed again, but this time his body shifted back toward Kimi, asking for more. “Tell me, Haku, tell me…”

“I…I used a toy, after the call…just to escape, not think for a – nnngh - while, but – ” Haku broke off to pant, and Kimi loved that the sounds were growing louder and more eager as he slowly slid his fingers in and out of Haku’s body: an unnecessary and utterly delicious tease.

“Didn’t do it with expectation…” Haku whispered.

Kimimaro smiled and kissed Haku’s cheek, ear, temple. “Did you fuck yourself until you came?” The words made Kimi’s dick protest the delay and made Haku hold his breath. Haku's mouth worked once before he could answer, and his eyes squeezed shut. “Y-yes…”

“What did you think about?” Kimi turned his hand and pressed deeper into Haku, fingertips finding his prostate.

With a cry, Haku bucked against the table and Kimi’s hand, bare ass pressing against Kimi’s clothed cock. “I thought…” Haku called out again, this one different: desperate and almost fearful. “Thought about you…and a Master to take us both…”

Kimimaro’s shudder and the shove of his hand made the table scrape over the floor and hit the wall. He rested his weight on top of Haku, kissed any skin his mouth could find and slowly kept finger-fucking Haku while his other hand scrabbled to undo his pants.

Nnn…Haku…” Kimi whisper-moaned as he got his dick free and removed his fingers from within Haku to line up his cock. Haku writhed and Kimi’s breathing took on quiet sounds on each exhale.

“Oh please, oh please, God, yes…take me…inside me…” Haku babbled through clenched teeth and Kimimaro hissed a harsh breath, concentration making his forehead crease. Haku’s upper body jerked hard as Kimi’s criss-cross pierced cockhead pushed inside a maddening tunnel of clenching heat. Kimimaro’s hand slapped down on the table next to Haku’s head, mouth falling open in relief, and the ladder down his length followed the cross, earning Kimimaro a low moan from the man he pinned.

Sitting up and bracing one hand across both of Haku’s bound arms, Kimi widened his stance, rocked back, and thrust into Haku, making himself grunt.

“Shit!” Haku cursed, and Kimi’s mouth stretched into a rare grin as he knew Haku was gone when he lost track of pleading poise and succumbed to four-letter words. Kimimaro gave Haku three slow thrusts and then set up a pace designed for fast end-game. Haku choked on noises beneath him, and Kimi kept him pressed firmly against the table.

Oooh fuck me, yes!” Haku called and Kimimaro tried to find a leash on oxygen as he looked down to watch his cock abuse an entrance that sucked him in and squeezed down in time to his frenetic pace.

“Haku…oh – mmmngh – Haku…” Kimi breathed, moved, and gripped, mouth in a silent snarl.

“Harder,” Haku whimpered. “Oh fuck, Kimi, harder…”

Kimimaro shifted, hand tightening on Haku’s arms and the other moving to dig into Haku’s hip with a purposefully bruising grip. The table shift-slammed into the wall, and Kimimaro reached to grab Haku’s shoulder, impaling him down and back as Kimi rocked forward, the impact making the slap of skin echo in the kitchen.

Haku wailed as Kimi kept up the pace, world narrowing to the boiling in his gut that tightened ass, balls, and spine in prelude to release. Thoughts flicker-flared as the heat built to a raging inferno, and he heard Haku beg –

“Come inside me, please, oh fuck, please – ”

- and knew what he wanted to do. Plan somewhere in his lust-drenched mind, Kimimaro abandoned everything but the delicious sight before his eyes and the feel of Haku around his dick and let need build, burn, swell, and then swallow his control.

“Ha-ku!” Kimi growled as he came, and Haku made contented noises of relief with each breath as Kimimaro fell to rest along Haku’s back, hips still moving, hands bracing on the table, palms slick and hair hanging down to trail over Haku’s. Eyes closing as he rode the aftershocks, Kimimaro panted for a handful of heartbeats. He slowly circled his hips, and Haku stutter-gasped at the feel of metal and a softening length moving against his insides.

Thinking about needs and Haku and years of denial and a day of discovery, Kimimaro slowly pulled out and just as Haku’s head lifted to look at Kimi, the older man smiled and pushed three fingers back inside of Haku, swift and forceful. The white’s of Haku’s eyes shown brightly in the fluorescent light of the kitchen, and his mouth worked in a silent cry.

“You will not leave me,” Kimimaro said, voice quiet and without demand. His fingers started to move and he shifted to reach and wrap his other hand around Haku’s cock. “Say it, Haku.”

Haku’s breathing stuttered, and Kimimaro waited, hands moving within and on Haku with skill and purpose.

“You…will not… leave me…” Haku finally managed, voice breathy and startled.

“Good,” Kimi said, leaning to rest his weight over Haku’s bound form, careful not to lose his pace as his hands moved slightly faster. “Because I am part of what you need. Say it, Haku.”

“Because I am part of what you need,” Haku said, faster, gasping, and Kimi saw his eyes squeeze shut and a tear make a damp path down the side of Haku’s nose.

Kimimaro smeared pre-cum and his fingers teased a fast, flicking dance beneath the head of Haku’s cock until the smaller man frantically whined. Kimi’s fingers pressed and stroked Haku’s insides, and Haku’s eyes rolled beneath their lids.

“You’re so beautiful,” Kimimaro whispered, and Haku’s body shook with a sob caught between pleasure and shock.

“And you care for me,” Kimimaro prompted. “Say it…please…”

“You care for me,” Haku rasped, torso rising and falling beneath Kimi, skin feverish through his shirt.

“And you want me.” Kimi’s fist closed tighter and stroked faster, and Haku writhed for Kimi, lips dry from breathing with lung-bursting gasps.

“You…want me…oh God…fuck, please, I can’t…”

“And I love you.” Kimi’s voice was calm, though his eyes felt damp and every word scratched his throat. Haku stopped breathing, shook, and Kimimaro felt Haku's body tense and quake as climax took him just before Haku opened his mouth and let go of a loud, long, groan composed of pleasure and old pain. Kimimaro’s eyes closed and he rested his forehead against Haku’s back. He stilled both his hands but didn’t withdraw until Haku went boneless against the table.

Gently, Kimimaro let his fingers fall away, and Haku remained silent as Kimi bent to unbind Haku’s arms. He kneaded just above Haku’s elbows with careful presses of his thumbs, and he worried when Haku didn’t make a single sound, though tears flowed from beneath his closed lids.

With a light squeeze, Kimimaro let Haku go to tuck himself back into his clothing. He ripped off his shirt, tossing it carelessly aside. Kneeling, Kimi pressed feather kisses to Haku’s lower back, making him shiver, and then slowly worked the jeans down and off Haku’s legs, relaxing somewhat when Haku raised each foot in turn to help Kimi’s task. Rising again, Kimi pulled Haku up and off the table, lifting him easily, and got the sweaty shirt off Haku before bending and picking the slight boy up into Kimi’s arms.

Through it all, Haku didn’t make a single sound, and Kimimaro walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. “Just going to rest a minute and then I’ll take you to the shower, okay?” Kimi asked, knowing that Zabuza used to torture Haku in a variety of heinous ways and one of them was keeping him unclean when Haku displeased him.

Haku nodded, and Kimi finally relaxed when the motion was firm and accompanied by Haku settling down and pressing closer to Kimi. Grabbing a blanket off the back of the sofa, Kimimaro bundled Haku up and then held him, cheek pressed to the top of Haku’s head.

“You only say things to me if you mean them,” Haku said after long moments of being held.

“Yes, I do,” Kimi agreed.

Haku went limp in Kimimaro’s arms, and Kimi held him tighter, knowing what worked to comfort Haku from long hours of discussion.

“Good, then,” Haku said quietly.

“We’ll find someone for both of us,” Kimimaro said, wanting the words to be a prediction of truth but wondering if such a thing would ever be possible. “Find a way for both of us to be happy. And together.”

“That…won’t be easy…”

“Nothing that involves real happiness is,” Kimi replied. “But we have each other.”

“We do.”

“I’m sorry it took me so long to realize...” Kimimaro trailed off, ashamed of his own blindness.

Haku actually chuckled, and Kimimaro could have wept in sheer delight at the unusual, pleasant noise.

“I knew how I felt, and it was enough,” Haku replied.

A clock ticked from the mantel over the tiny, unused fireplace. Kimimaro felt weariness settle into his bones – the kind of exhaustion that always came when he pushed himself.

“I think…I think I’m good for a shower, now?” Haku said, making it a question.

Without a word, Kimimaro stood and carried Haku over to the door leading into the main bedroom, heading toward Kimi’s bathroom.

“Thank you,” Haku said, voice thick.

Kimi swallowed and kissed Haku’s hair, trying to think only of hope found in promises and the serenity of long showers.

~*~
Comments 
7th-Sep-2010 01:06 am (UTC)
That was SO good. It was sweet and it really showed how you feel when you've been broken by someone who couldn't be bothered to put you back together.

I'm positive that's something everyone has been through to some extent. It's so good that they've both found someone to help them heal, even if that person can't give them everything they need.

I'm still hoping this is Ibiki btw. Just in case you're taking suggestions.
8th-Sep-2010 04:04 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much for the feedback - I appreciate reading what you liked about the story, and I'm happy you're enjoying!

*laughs* I will say that I've already chosen the VIP and leave it there for now. Thank you. *wink*
7th-Sep-2010 08:11 am (UTC)
That was intense, but in a really good way. The realisations, the feelings and emotions displayed rang so true. I am glad that Kimi knows how he feels and that they are both, I feel, a little happier for it. Though there is much morestill to come.
8th-Sep-2010 04:05 pm (UTC)
I'm really happy you found them - the boys and the emotions - to be realistic enough. And oh yeah...definitely more still to come.

(And come...and come...and...)

Yeah.

XD

<3 *hugs*
8th-Sep-2010 04:08 pm (UTC)
Sounds good to me :) love the icon too lol
7th-Sep-2010 12:20 pm (UTC)
This is nicely relevant to my interests.

I'm actually in a relationship with a guy who's another sub. It works well as we switch off, but neither of us has the desire to really take over. Which is why polygamy works for us as we now have a third person who is happy to be in charge.

Totally want Ibiki too. I have some serious love for that man.

On another unrelated note- how DO genital piercings really work during sex? Ladders especially confuse me because all I can think is how sex would tug on them and they'd start to migrate. Also the idea of anal sex with piercings and without a condom squicks me out a fair bit. That's not how you keep a piercing clean!
7th-Sep-2010 03:13 pm (UTC)
I'm actually really, really happy you asked the unrelated question. *laughs*

I say the following to the extent of my knowledge - which, for the record, is from a female perspective who does not have genital piercings, nor do I have a partner that has Kimi's set of metal, either, so there we are...

In writing this fic, I've actually found the bottom of the Internet doing my research on a few things. One of them had to do with piercings, placement, sexual anything with piercings involved, and also some bondage this-and-that involving the metalworks in a later chapter (actually, it was more how to *avoid* the metalworks, but moving on).

The school of thought seems to be twofold:

1. Everyone yells to use condoms during anal sex (for very good reason! not arguing the logic!) but that seems to be divided between the safe-sex reasoning and the good-hygiene reasoning. There seems to be a sound base that supports the "clean thyself and your piercings and it's all fine" and there seems to be one that says "always wear a condom to protect yourself on multiple levels."

From an open-wound standpoint, all of Kimi's piercings are well-healed. And we're living in an alternate reality I like to call "fantasy" (heh) wherein piercings don't reject or have issues.

Also, the cross - when centered - is naturally cleaned by urine. Yay sterile bodily fluids!

(However Kimi's is offset, le sigh, and we're back to the "keep it clean" philosophy post-sexual anything.)

All THAT said, condoms tend to rip over piercings. This happens even during vaginal sex, which we all know is a good bit more forgiving than anal.

And yes, friction *can* make the ladder travel. For some, this is more of an issue than others, apparently.

There is also some school of thought that the cross - particularly the apadravya portion - can make penetration nigh-on impossible as it hurts like sonofabitch.

But then I find accounts where people have no issues whatsoever and want to throw my hands up in the air.

In short, lots of reasoning and logic going on out there - even from piercers and the pierced themselves - so I think there are general guidelines and then personal standards. As with, well...most anything, really.

So, basic guidelines I used to write this scene:

1. Kimimaro's piercings are healed, well-cared for, and NOT outlandish with gauge or jewelry (he has simple bars in the ladder). He's also a professional piercer, and "knows" more than even the writer. *laughs*

2. Kimi and Haku have no other sexual partners, so bareback is kosher.

3. Haku has spent many - many - nights playing sub/bottom to a man who took him anally and probably none-too-gently on occasion. Unlike vaginal muscles, anal muscles can stretch and *not* entirely reform, (well, okay, vaginal muscles can too, but that's usually to do with childbirth, and I'm getting off track, here...). That leads to all sorts of issues that I just won't touch, (can we say, "anal leakage?") as I'm sure you know or can imagine, and if I start down that path I'd probably begin beating my head against walls, (it does amuse me to *no* end reading fanfiction or the like wherein anal sex is always rough and go-at-it. I'm wincing at my screen and clenching a lot. *cackles*)

For the sake of argument in this scene and Haku/Kimi interaction in general: he's no virgin or anything close to it, and he used a toy with a generous helping of lube not an hour before this little interaction takes place.

Haku also really enjoys pain. As we'll, erm, see later...

4. They shower immediately after (or close to it).

5. In my little daydream world, migration, infection, imperfections, accidents, and various trends on those themes happen far more rarely than in life.

However...I am truly appreciative of the chance to walk through all my "logic" (flawed though I'm *sure* it is) and the angst I felt when writing this scene. *laughs*

I have no idea if any of that helps, but thank you for letting me babble back.

<3

PS - As to the note on the Mystery Guest, I have no comment, but I do love that you're interested enough to guess.

PPS - I'm thrilled that this story hits a personal note or two for you and that you shared that with me. I sincerely thank you. <3
7th-Sep-2010 04:07 pm (UTC)
*just falls in love with your research tendencies all the more*

<3 <3 <3

And I do love that you acknowledge what the reality can be, and that this is the possibility rather than the general reality.
8th-Sep-2010 04:06 pm (UTC)
*giggles*

I love that you read my dissertation. Thank you, darlin'!

I *heart* research.

<3
7th-Sep-2010 04:41 pm (UTC)
I like that you have that logic. Last thing I read with piercing in it had someone do a lip with a piercing gun.

... yeah I corrected them. Like I correct all the RAPE IS BDSM fics I come across.

I'm not popular on y-gallery XD. Mainly because it's an account under a name which isn't famous so people are like "WTF is this asshole telling me I didn't research enough?!"


You research pleases me.
8th-Sep-2010 04:11 pm (UTC)
::headdesk:: at the piercing gun.

I generally try to keep my Switzerland-like status amidst the drama, fanfiction, etc.

But I do run the D/s Naruto community over on Y! and I get really, really, link-happy with the theme challenges and the BDSM Writer's Compendium thingy (link list I threw together). Just in case anyone wants to browse around for a while before they write a fic.

I play a lot more over on Y! these days than I do on LJ. Have another LJ entirely for journal nonsense, though I don't post nearly as often as I (should?) used to.

And I'm very happy the research pleased. *laughs* I'm still happy I got a chance to walk through that!

And gods be kind to you for correcting the BDSM = rape.

<3
8th-Sep-2010 04:15 pm (UTC)
I just read your post and your research is really interesting. It's always fun to see were ideas spring from and what there is to learn about them to make writing them more real. Great stuff Hun!
7th-Sep-2010 04:24 pm (UTC)
*settles and sighs happily*

I like the revelation, love the idea of these to forming something solid and real over the year, the coffee, the cookies, the holding, the healing they've had together and wanted for each other.

I love how Kimi does what he can and how he acts on knowledge and instinct and trust and hope, even when they might not always be returned.

“That…won’t be easy…”

“Nothing that involves real happiness is,” Kimi replied. “But we have each other.”

“We do.”


Yeah...that is as it should be... *laughs softly*

8th-Sep-2010 04:13 pm (UTC)
Like you, I enjoy characters with blind spots. *laughs* I think I find these two and their viewpoints interesting (okay, obviously; still writing, yes? *chuckles*) in their blindness and definitions.

I'm also terrifically happy you read & enjoyed.

Thank you as always. <3
9th-Sep-2010 11:36 am (UTC)
<3 And you are welcome, as always. *grins*
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